Some Secret Santa Hijinx

Hello Interneters,

We've done something interesting this holiday season, we signed up for the 'Secret Santa can Suck it' fun put on by the 'Art of Darkness', one of my favourite blogs (and yes, this is a shameless plug)

The basic rules seem to be give whatever you want. If it's a freaking unicorn, then give it. It's the internet right, not like anything on here is all that corporeal really. Most of this is made up of inconvenienced electrons and pornography.

So with that in mind, I think I'll revisit some of the more interesting things I've found out here.

So, to start things off, my gifts are heading all the way to Toronto for David, who runs the 'Dark Artifacts' blog and has a wicked haircut.

So to start off, what's Christmas without drinks?? I mean, honestly, I'm having a beer right now...and I want to share this beer with Dave (is it cool if I call you Dave, Dave?? You see, I have an Aussie buddy named Dave too, but I call him Daove, on account of his accent, so I don;'t actually know any Dave's proper, you know?? And David sounds sort of like Mr. Dave to me...but if you prefer David let me know)

So behold, the most fantastic beer I have ever had. And it's even American...and for a Canadian boy like myself, liking an American beer is a pretty big deal.

Hmmmm...Beer...

Now I'm not going to lie, I'm a total beer snob. Beer Nerd is the preferred term, but beer snob is a more accurate one.

So...now we've got beer and it's the Christmas season, what shall we do?? Why, go visit some friends of course!...But...We've been drinking...we shouldn't drive, and it's minus way to fucking cold out to walk...what do we do??

We ride Unicorns, duh,

Unicorns are renowned for there warm luxurious fur, calorie free meat, and for goring the hell out of anything they want. Who's gonna stop 'em?? ou gona stop a Unicorn form goring someone?? No, no you are not, you are going to assume they deserved it, if they are getting a good ol goring form a Unicorn, they must have done something pretty terrible...

We've made it to our friends house, and are only slightly coated in entrails. No biggy, they are still warm and kind of nice.

Buddy wants to play a game of sitting on Santa's lap...he's kind of odd...I'm not sure why we hang out with him really...

It's warm at least...

Now that we're good and creeped out, we should probably get the hell out of here. To the pub!! I should warn you Dave, if your visiting here, while still in Canada, it's a little different here in the West...Here's a hint...I live in the worst city in Canada...I think we won an award for it. Well...ok maybe not an award, but there was a magazine article I read saying it and then I totally made myself a trophy for it.

So the pubs are not a messing around deal, they are were all the pansies like me hide out cause going downtown gets you beaten up...the only real way to go about that is to get too drunk to remember, or to go to the gay bar. Which is pretty nice really. Smells a little cleaner...or there is less desperation in the air...whatever it is it's kind of nice.

It might be caring

Now we're good and drunk and we totally rode unicorns to the gay bar! It's going to be a lot of work to not come home with like 6 dudes, but I figure it's doable...unless that's your thing Dave...in which case you are not sleeping on my couch...and your not doing any 'not sleeping' on it either...Not that I care either way what you like to do in your private life, just not on my couch man...

So there ya go Dave, Merry Christmas, Happy New year, all that jazz. All the best to ya, you've got a cool blog, keep it up.

-Inveigh

A Date With Mz.Nin

Grrr this stupid site won't allow me to copy and paste...when I figure out how to get this on here I will do it!! STUPID thing!

Thoughts on a Movember past

Truly a beautiful man moustache

I now know first hand the meaning of 'Flavour Saver', and it is in every way as disgusting as it sounds.

Winter is very slightly diminished in that my upper lip was protected from the worst of the wind and biting cold.

The sniffles however were a nightmare.. I'm sorry, but I just don't understand how you can blow your nose with one of those things and still manage to go about your day without at the very least washing your face. Every time I sneezed I just got in the shower. It seemed easier that way.

Trimming is an art. Like anywhere I guess hey?? My sister did mine...

Even girls who are disgusted by it want to touch it. Often while telling you how horrible it is, but still, that's like moustache second base.

The women who do like a moustache almost instantly become terrifying.

Gummi bears will get caught in it very easily.

It is kind of fun to stick out your lower lip and curl it up over your top lip. Your lips are sensitive enough that you can feel every hair individually, like how a baby or an E kid must feel the world. A sort of wondrous sensation

However, any flavours discovered are not wondrous. Quite the opposite really.

Pimples still happen. You'd think they'd be hidden, but nope, if anything they are grosser. See sniffles...

Moustache rides are not as popular as I was led to believe...

Also, see 'Flavour Saver' for the downside of moustache rides...

Strangely, the scents of those flavours do not seem to be noticeable.

My mothers dog did not recognize me at first. This led to a game where he barked at me and I lunged at him, which led to a small altercation in my Mothers living room where I lost a fight. Looking back he probably knew it was me and just wanted to kick my ass.

Music sounds worse.

I broke something rather expensive last weekend and am going to blame the moustache for that.

Lamination machines should come with facial hair warnings, not just generic 'Long Hair Warnings' (To be fair it was very cold in my office that day)

If you fill a piece of macaroni with glue and slide it onto a hair, it will stay there for many days. It is not generally recommended though.

I saw a unicorn, but sadly, due to my moustache, was unable to ride it.

All in all, I have to say I did not enjoy the month of stach. But I've already made a deal with people at work for next year, so I'll be going stached again...

Maybe I'll dye it green or something. Make it punk rock? What do you think??

Later people,

-Inveigh