Hello :)
So we are approaching the halfway point in this grant moustache experiment. I have to be honest, I have collected zero dollars for prostate cancer and really have no idea what I would do with any money anyone gave me. Buy beer I imagine, and try to forget that I am muffy on my face. That sounds kind of good actually. A nice foamy Guinness perhaps, something that would take full advantage of a moustache...Yup, that sounds good. Lets do that.
To the pub to 'raise funds for the molestation of cancer!!' It's the perfect plan. If anyone busts me, I'll just tell them I have to be drunk to molest anything, and then perhaps molest them. That should shut them up.
Something is odd here though...the pub is packed, there are beautiful women about...this is not a normal at my pub. Why I come here I'm not sure...it's close and I can crawl home I guess...and yes I've done that...shut up...
What's odd though is that at work I am but one of many terrible terrible examples of facial hair. Here, I am but one of two, and the other guy looks like he just rocks a shitty moustache all year long...he seems comfy...oblivious...perhaps he is an idiot? Or has a secret confidence I do not see?? He is drinking Budweiser, so I suspect my first impression is correct.
Due to my amateur scientist background, I keep wondering what his little secret is. Now I'm fully aware I have a moustache that is home-erotic at best, and pure bile educing terror at worst, but I'm gonna go talk to a strange guy at the pub anyway. I've totally come off as gay before. It's one of the fun creepy games I used to play before this grand moustache experiment began. How I miss the looks on people's faces when they were only unsure of they should be worried, battling with politeness and trying to carry on a conversation that I intentionally steer all over the god damn place. The advantage I had seems to have been lost with the addition of the man lip muffage. Now assumptions are made much quicker and the games is over long before it starts...
So basically, I am bored, and wonder if one moustache will cancel out the other and perhaps I can amuse myself...
The answer is yes. Much more awkward, but yes, using Mouvember totally opens the door, and it's not long until I find out this guys secret.
The fucker is underage. The confidence is simply coming form being inside with a beer in hand. I decide I should be nice and not fuck with this kids head too much and wander away mid sentence...after possibly planting a seed that he is in fact in a gay pub. There are no gay pubs in my town, but still, if any rumour should be started, it might as well be a wildly inaccurate one.
As I wander about the pub I notice something else. Some women seem to be taking second looks, and not 'second look at a car crash' looks. Not at all. Strange...So far I have had two positive responses. One from my Mom, who I'm sure thinks I'm an idiot but loves me anyway, and one more...so this is not something I expected. I do have to admit, I have been hiding out a bit more lately, predominantly due to facial hair...perhaps this was a mistake??
It's not like it's a Sean Connery or Burt Reynolds here, but it has filled in a little more this past few days...but no, this cannot be it. It must be my ass or something right??? But why are they looking at my face then?
But I'm sorry dear internet, I ran into some buddies and did some shots after this thought and well...science ended there. I'd tell the tale, but I do not recall it. My bad.
-Inveigh
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